Yesterday evening there was a thread of scrumnorris going over twitter. Since these messages were in German, let me translate them.

• Chuck Norris is ScrumMaster and ProductOwner – simultaneously.
• Chuck Norris can do 6-month sprints.
• Chuck Norris wears Timeboxershorts.
• Chuck Norris does not move story cards, he moves the taskboard.
• Chuck Norris does not estimate, he knows.
• Chuck Norris pairs alone.
• Chuck Norris starts project with a Roundhouse-Kickoff.
• Chuck Norris is allowed to appear late at the stand-up.
• Chuck Norris sits on the stand-up meeting.
• Chuck Norris has implemented everything at the planning meeting.
• Chuck Norris does not estimate user stories, user stories estimate him. (This doesn’t translate well.)
• Chuck Norris writes the code first, then the test.
• Chuck Norris is not afraid of bugs, bugs are afraid of him.
• Chuck Norris does not do Kanban. He does not know limits.
• Chuck Norris does not pull, he pushes.
• When Chuck Norris says “done”, then it’s “done”.
• Chuck Norris does not deploy, he develops on the production environment.
• Just Chuck Norris knows, that a real burn-down requires napalm.
• Chuck Norris has no burn-down chart. Around him everything is already burnt down.
• Chuck Norris answers just two questions on the stand-up meeting. Chuck Norris does not know obstacles.
• Chuck Norris does not prioritize the backlog.
• Chuck Norris takes two baby-steps at once.
• Chuck Norris does not use test-driven development. Chuck Norris always drives.
• Chuck Norris is the prioritized backlog.

Any additions?